misumipyon:

maybe this year ill find a boyfriend [audience laughs in the background]

iconise:

if i was famous i would just knock on peoples doors and be like hello yes its me

bestjugs:

whenever i’m sad i just remember that time i was unpacking all of my clothing and did not realize my dog was on my bed

the only thing i can turn on is my computer

dirtbaq:

Is This A Text Post Or A Panic At The Disco Song

i don’t wanna be a porn star i wanna be a porn galaxy

fenneqin:

(hushed whisper) I hear her milkshake only brings like 2 to 3 boys to the yard on a GOOD day

64kbps:

My name backwards spells “disappointment and skin problems”

melborp niks dna tnemtioppasid

aloei:

lokisgloriouspenis:

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

my dad has 4 daughters